26 June 2006

The last time I felt this way was when my maternal grandmother passed away in 1983. There have been a number of deaths in the family but because I wasn’t really that close to them since childhood, I’d quietly mourn and pray for their eternal repose.

Just a few minutes ago, my Mom rang my office to let me know that my Uncle Resty passed away Tuesday night. He underwent on cardiac arrest during his kidney dialysis.

He’s the only brother (or kin for that matter) of my Dad who I have known and seen often since I was a kid; and the only living brother (and kin) for almost a decade. We were not close. But he and my Dad were the closest as they both worked in banks in Manila fresh from college.

It pains me not just of losing my Uncle but there is this fear of losing a parent maybe just around the corner. I feel that I have not given much of myself to my folks. Come to think of it, I don’t recall a time when I have said “I Love You” to my Dad & Mom outside birthday and Christmas gift tags.

I feel numb typing this at the middle of doing work at the office. I just want to jot down this moment as I would not know how I’d feel when we visit the wake over the weekend.